my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
