I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
