Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
