Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
