I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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