....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
high people should be assigned attendants
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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