I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
