I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
