her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
