Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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