I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
