my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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