you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
