Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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