Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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