It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
