Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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