Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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