yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
