we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
