Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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