i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
