I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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