can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
