I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
