I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
