I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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