Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
