she pinky promised me she was 18
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
