rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
