She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
