I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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