My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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