The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
please come you make the beer taste better
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
