I am in a vortex of obligation.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
