I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize