a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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