He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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