so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
