I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
