He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
