I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we're so committed to being not committed
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