i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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