You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
