Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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