It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
