but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
