So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
