so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hippo gnu deer
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
