my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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