remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
