Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
