I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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