Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
