why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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