If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
