Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
