i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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