I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
