They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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