i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
