I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
