He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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