They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
