Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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