paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You smell like stripper and shame
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
