the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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