its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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