the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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